Dear Sister

I apologize in advance (but not really) because this is going to be a long post. This is something I am so passionate about, and in truth I started this post over three years ago but have never published it because I didn't feel my words were the right ones.

However, it has been pressing on my mind ever more these past few days and weeks and I knew I couldn't delay it any longer.

Sweet girl, YOU ARE ENOUGH.

Do you hear me?

You are enough. More than enough.

It doesn't matter how much you weigh, what color your skin is, your body shape, the degree you have (or don't), whether you're introverted or extroverted, if you're single or married, if you have kids or not, or any other number of things that our society - or even some men - would make you believe you have to be. You are enough.

Let me say this one more time just for good measure. You. Are. Enough.

I don't mean to say this with a tone of apathy, because of course I hope that we are all striving to improve ourselves and become the best that we can be. I hope we won't settle for mediocrity. But sweet girl, there are far too many things in this world that will tell you that you're not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough, not successful enough. Maybe they will tell you that you're too pretty, too skinny, too smart, and too successful. I know it is hard enough to do what needs to be done without having somebody else throw their two cents at you. And although I am here to also give my two cents, I hope you come away from this knowing that YOU MATTER. I cannot stress that enough.

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I have seen too many girls and women (including myself) look at themselves in disappointment because they didn't meet somebody else's expectations. They feel down about themselves and their abilities and doubt their worth in anybody's eyes, including their own.

So sisters, let me tell you this.

You are strong and courageous. You are important, intelligent and worthy. You are inspiring, creative and compassionate. You are loving, true and able. YOU are.

You are more than any outward label people would assign to you.

I challenge you to listen to these songs and think about them not in a romantic way, but as a pep talk to yourself; thoughts on you loving yourself. 

This is so incredibly important.

I hope that you will not be afraid to chase your dreams and become the woman you want to be, because you can do it. Your worth and abilities will not change just because he doesn't want to date you, or because they chose another candidate for the job, or because Mrs. Jones down the street is a better housewife.

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You are literally a daughter of a Heavenly Father with a heritage that is divine. You sit on the precipice of greatness. Do not take that lightly. Your life might look a little bit differently than you had planned, but that's OK. Bloom where you are planted and take courage with what God will make of your life when you turn to Him and get to work. 

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He loves you wholly and completely and perfectly. Some of you know this and it is rooted deeply in your heart. However, I know that there are also some of you who have doubts in your mind. You may be unsure of yourself, your faith may be wavering, or you may be unsure if God really loves you and that His Atonement really can make you whole. You may be afraid because of the uncertainty that lies in your future. If this is the case, I hope you'll make a conscious effort to open up your heart to the Savior as you watch this last video. Think of that holy infant lying in a manger, born to be our advocate that we may someday be sanctified and justified before our Father. Born to atone that He may perfectly know how we feel, even in the dark or bitter moments spent feeling alone. Born to give us true, fulfilling peace that we will never be able to attain anywhere else. 

I love watching Mary. I promise you, God has a divine role for women. And for you.




For what it's worth, I am cheering and rooting for you every step of the way. You've got this, and you are enough. Like Brian Andreas said "let your new self splash like sunlight into every dark place...and thank all that is holy for the gift, because now you have no choice but to let all your love spill out into the world."

Helloooo North Carolina

FRIENDS. It has been forever since I posted anything.

Right now, I'm sitting at a hotel in Durham eating a chicken bowl from Chipotle and watching the Holiday Baking Special on Food Network (yes, I'm one of those people). I finally have a few hours of a guilt-free break so I figured I'd catch up here! I had planned on doing more touristy things in NC this time around but I didn't take into account daylight savings. It got really dark really early, so maybe another time! There's still about a hundred trips left to come to campus.

In honor of being in the South, how about a little country song...love this lady. And this song.

Anyway, an update.

I am almost one semester closer to becoming a nurse practitioner. Let me tell you what, my advanced physical assessment class has made that feel real.

For example, today we practiced acute and chronic cases all day. We haven't learned how to diagnose yet, but we're supposed to start practicing what questions to ask and what body systems to examine based on the patient's complaint. This is how my first case went:

(Also, this case is made up and not a real patient...my classmates and I just made up stuff for each other to practice)

Me: Hi, I'm Sarah. I'm the nurse practitioner student working with you today, what brings you to the office?

Patient: I've been having some really bad nose bleeds.

Me: Oh really? How long has this been going on?

Patient: Well, I've had 4 nosebleeds in the last 12 hours.

Hold up. WHa???????

Sit and think for a few seconds before asking more questions.

How do I find the cause of this? I mean, I'm thinking this could be hypertension or allergies but this also could be something totally different. WHAT IF SHE HAS CANCER. (Don't worry, I didn't even consider that the patient might have stuck something up their nose, which is a very likely explanation. Tunnel vision at its finest).

And then I continued to ask several questions and did a physical exam and felt suuuuper overwhelmed about the responsibility of this job. This was only a nose bleed but it could've been diabetes, irritable bowel syndrome, meningitis...you never know what's going to walk in the door.

I looked up the top ten reasons people visit their doctor, and I found things like fatigue, lower back pain, abdominal pain, headache...there are so many things that could cause any of them. I realized the magnitude of my responsibility as a nurse practitioner before starting the program, but truly...you can't afford to miss stuff. There is so much to know. And I'm actually really excited to learn it all.

One of the main points of this campus visit was to pass off our comprehensive physical exam we practiced last month and I passed, so at least there's that. I will actually learn to diagnose and come up with treatment plans in future classes.

Also, North Carolina is beautiful. Specifically, Duke is beautiful. It's not anything like I'm used to...I still think Idaho is my favorite place ever...but North Carolina probably has more than it's fair share of the beauty ticket.

The gardens on the Duke campus are breathtaking. It's literally 50 acres of the garden of Eden, and it smells sweeter than candy. Not to mention the school buildings are old and charming and have a gothic feel to them.

that little cottage is for the caretakers...how cute is that??

And guys, THE CHAPEL. The first time I accidentally drove down the wrong road on campus, the chapel was right at the end of the road...what a spectacular sight.

Not to mention that their new nursing building is phenomenal. State of the art equipment. I got to peek inside the OR simulation lab and that was the coolest thing ever...I mean who has a simulation room that looks and functions like an operating room??? Another wing of the building is like a hospital wing, complete with a nursing station and everything. This is seriously an amazing school with a great program. I feel so blessed.

Anyway, school and work is pretty much all that's going on in my life. If you've been trying to get a hold of me and I haven't answered or gotten back to you it's because Duke owns my soul.

Love to you all!

A Week in the Life

The title may be a little misleading, because this last week I was on vacation! Woohoo! Well, I wasn't really on vacation but it's the first time in six years that I've had one week all to myself without school or work. It was glorious.

On Sunday I drove with my parents and younger brothers to Provo to drop off one little brother for his freshman year at BYU. Even though living in Provo was not my favorite experience, it was good to be back for a little bit. While we were in Utah, I made sure we hit some of my favorite food places (though we were only there for 24 hours, and there's only so much food you can eat in that amount of time).

When in Provo, Hruska's. Always Hruska's. My family hadn't had kolaches before, so I bought a variety of 12 for breakfast. No shame.

We still missed a lot. If I had all the time and money and room in my belly necessary, we would have also gone to Guru's, Gloria's Little Italy, Los Hermanos, Cafe Fresh, and the Iceberg Drive Inn. Can you tell I'm a little bit of a foodie?

We had Cafe Zupas for dinner. I have been craving their glazed chicken chipotle salad! We also made a stop at Cravings Alisha's Cupcakes in Pleasant Grove. They won season 7 of "Cupcakes Wars" on the Food Network and they didn't disappoint.

We got home late on Monday night, so Tuesday was spent "recuperating" (i.e. watching Netflix in bed, practicing the piano, making bread, etc). On Wednesday I woke up early to go to the temple with my aunt and grandma which was a wonderful start to the day. I was able to stop and get a breakfast burrito on my way home (for any of you that don't know, I love hot breakfast. It makes any day just a little bit better). I dabbled in some domestic skills later and made my new favorite fall treat - pumpkin pull-apart bread with maple glaze. Seriously, it was DIVINE. My favorite pumpkin recipe, and that's saying something.

So divine, in fact, that I made four more loaves yesterday so we could freeze some. I'm definitely not a photographer or a culinary artist but it is delicious. You can find the recipe here. (P.S. I used 1/2 tsp of mapleine in place of rum...yummy).

On Thursday I went shooting with my dad and picked out a handgun that I'll go back to buy in a few weeks...excited about that!

Yesterday I finally was able to make it up to a performance of "Singin' in the Rain" at the Playmill in West Yellowstone. I've been to Yellowstone only a few times this season and I was really hoping to be able to make it up to the Playmill at some point but I was just too busy. As luck would have it, my aunt and her friend had a spare ticket last minute and I was able to go with them. As usual, the cast was stellar. I loved every minute of it!

It's been a great week. Looking forward (mostly) to starting a new semester next week, it's getting me that much closer to being done, woot!

PSA for Those Who Suffer from Respiratory Viruses

Now I know that this seems super exciting, but I have to tell you that it really has impacted my life in such a way that I had to blog about it. So without further ado...

PSA: If any of you have ever seen these and wondered "Wow, that actually might be a more pleasant way to take my medicine" - just a heads up, DON'T even try it.

I had a nasty upper respiratory something a while ago and it hit me something fierce. When I get sick like this I usually take Nyquil and some extra benadryl before going to bed so I can sleep better.

However, much to my dismay I noticed we were out of Nyquil as I was getting ready for bed one night. Because I wasn't feeling too hot I definitely was not going to go to the store to get some more, so I dug around the medicine cabinet a little bit to try and see if maybe by chance I had missed some Nyquil capsules floating around somewhere.

Then I found these lovely little tea packets! I now love drinking hot lemon water with honey when I'm sick (thanks Zeph!) and thought this couldn't be too bad. Nyquil in hot liquid tea form!

Well, it was exactly just that. The only thing worse than drinking 2 tablespoons of Nyquil is drinking a whole 8 fl oz. It was NASTY. I don't know what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't anything remotely resembling honey, lemon, or chamomile. It was straight up Nyquil in all its deceptive glory.

So word to the wise, if you ever run across this stuff just do yourself a favor and buy the Nyquil intsead, because you can get the 2 tbs down in 1 gulp instead of 10. Ugh. I still can't even hardly stand thinking of it.

We Can Never Go Back

Hello, hello! Welcome! Sorry it has taken me so long to get this blog back up and running! I have been waiting for the perfect post to open this back up, but alas - I have struggled. Changes will continue to be made. Even though I'm busy I can't indefinitely put this off, so here goes nothing...

I discovered this song by Joy Williams a few weeks ago and I probably listened to it about 20 times that first day. I love the message.

I needed this. 

Over the past few weeks, I have felt for the first time in a long time that there is a plan for me. And this song really resonated deep in my heart. A message of embracing anything that may come my way in the future. Even love.

Wanna try that again? 

Sometimes I am afraid of moving forward, but I also realize I can't go back. I have some really sweet memories from growing up, from college, from starting my career, from living on my own. I miss my dear girlfriends from high school. I miss my college friends. I miss working with my babies in the NICU.

But that is not my life right now. As my path has been unfolded there have been many changes. Some forks in the road have been closed off to me at this point, and others I had never even thought of swung their gates wide open.

You can only go on. 

This song helped me remember that there is so much to look forward to. I have had some big dreams and for a while I worried that I was only pursuing them to fill a void I felt in my life - aka being single. People always told me to pursue my dreams and do everything I wanted to while I still had time because "you're single." 

And for a while, I lost sight of the bigger picture and agreed with them. I thought "yeah!" I was going to create this amazing life and show people that being single still had value and was not to be pitied. The fact that I felt pressured - and still do sometimes - to show people I still was worth something without being married is crazy.

But - I have come to realize a lot about myself in the last year. I learned that it doesn't matter if I do a single dang thing that I had planned to do to make my life "fulfilling." It doesn't matter whether or not I go to grad school, it doesn't matter whether or not I travel the world, it doesn't matter if I'm not 100% sure what I want to do with my life yet.

What really matters is that I'm moving forward, improving myself, and learning to love myself for who I am, by whatever method I see best. What really matters is that I'm doing my best to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. What really matters is that I make the best I can of this life, to be of use to the people around me.

I'm trying to be better about standing up during the hard times and being willing give things a shot again. I'm slow to hop on the self-discovery train, but I can truly say that at this point in my life I don't really care about what others think about me and the progress I've made with my life. It's been a long, long time since I've felt that way and it's taken me a lot of work to get here. I understand that I probably won't always feel this way, but I'm learning to be gentle with myself and be who I want to be no matter the deck of cards life hands to me. I'm not going to downgrade my life to the expectation others might have of my reality. There is no holding back of true dreams here. The path to these dreams is filled with wonder and discovery and hard work, and I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing.

My mom always told me that no one wants to read a book with characters who live the perfect life - there's nothing motivational or inspiring in that, so why wish that for your own life?

This post may be a little cliche, but that's okay. I am constantly headed in directions that I never thought I would take, and I know that God is guiding that path. I don't always understand, but I have to go on. I have to be willing to try again, and I am trying to be in the business of taking good chances. After all, we can never go back.

Thanks for reading, hope you are having a wonderful day wherever you are!

Throwback Monday

So I know that #TBT is supposed to be for...you know...Thursdays. But I came across some old photos on Facebook today from some high school music events and it made me feel a little nostalgic (even though it's been like...8 years since some of these were taken).

What great memories, and what great friends. I had so many amazing experiences in my high school music groups that helped further develop my love of music. I am so grateful for my talented teachers for exposing us to so many great composers and works of art, and for bringing us together as an ensemble to create something truly magical. Even if the audience never felt it, I know we sure did.

Like choir pieces by Morten Lauridsen or Eric Whitacre. And "Silent Night". And how could I ever forget, "How Can I Keep From Singing?" In orchestra there was Ralph Vaughan Williams and Aaron Copland and Samuel Barber.

I've been so caught up in more recent memories and working at the hospital and trying to figure out being an adult that I sometimes forget my roots. As I looked through some of these pictures from I got teary. I was so blessed to have such a tremendously positive high school experience. We all grew up together and went through a lot together, created a lot of meaningful relationships together. It played such an influential role in my life and I've kind of subconsciously scooted it under the cranial carpet as I've gotten older.

So, even though I've entered adulthood and am preparing to start grad school after two years of professional work, I am so grateful for these experiences from my teenage years.

To all of my hometown friends, neighbors, and classmates...thank you, thank you, for all of the wonderful memories and experiences. Glad we got to go through it all together. I hope things are going well for each of you.

And just because I have been feeling nostalgic, a few of my favorites.

Love to you all!

Sarah

I absolutely loved these. Not much else to say, except that I loved that Mr. Hansen was able to play the violin solo

I think of singing in the train station at the Gateway in Salt Lake City, and at that Catholic mission in Couer d'Alene. And of course every time we actually got to sing through the whole thing without stopping :)

Anything by Eric Whitacre was bound to be good... :)

Doesn't start until 1:34. I would get the chills every time we sung the chorus. This one runs deep.

No words needed for this one.....and if you were there you know exactly why...I distinctly remember one rehearsal of this song on a February day in memoriam. So much love.

October in the Wasatch

I'll be honest....sometimes I want to not like Utah. I don't even try. And only because I'm an Idaho girl and I want to be loyal to my roots, and...well...Utah is definitely not Idaho.

However--the past few days have been rainy and cloudy and ever so perfectly gray outside. And in the last week or so it's like fall blossomed overnight, and suddenly all of the trees finally started changing colors. So naturally, since I had the night off, I had to go for a drive. I am of the opinion that stormy skies are the perfect backdrop for vibrant fall colors. October has long been one of my favorite parts of the year for that precise reason.

I went for a drive in an area I've never been to before and...I humbly admit...I loved everything about it. It was stunning. Breathtaking. Pulled over in my car and got out just to soak in the scene kind of beauty. It was the most perfect two hours I've had in a long time. I felt a little traitorous because the thought did occur to me "If I knew I were going to die I would make sure to drive this loop before I die." And I felt like I was cheating on the Tetons (rest assured, my heart stays loyal).

And of course, it wouldn't have been the perfect drive without some mood music (I have special playlists just for my mountain drives). I honestly believe it can make all the difference in the world to set the tone and quiet your thoughts in such a beautiful place as that (though at times silence is just as good).

But truly, I've driven through parts of the Wasatch range and Uintas before, and this was the most majestic thing I've seen since moving here. I tried to take a few pictures to share, but my camera lens in my phone just does not do the justice to these mountains and valleys that my own eyes did. Crappy resolution on these photos but man, it was beautiful.

It was the perfect time of day to take this drive too...right around sunset, it had been stormy so there were low-lying clouds and fog in the valleys and on the mountaintops. I apologize that my amateur photography doesn't allow you to see the depth and vibrancy of the real thing.

That's all for now...hope you enjoyed the little tour :).