Well. So the New Year begins.
Not quite how I was expecting it to, but who expects a broken heart with the new year?
Even in this short week that it has been since I moved back into my apartment, I have learned some things about myself and about my life and where I want it to go. When I was listening to my iPod while at the gym the other day, one of the songs had a line that really caught my attention. In all honesty, if the song didn't have a good beat for running I would die at the sappiness of it. But this line stood out to me…"All you need is love."
I hear that a lot in songs, in the media, in literature…all we need is love and then life will be great. I used to hate that. What about those who don't find their true love? What about those who have their hearts shattered? What about those who are broken by those who should have built them up? Perhaps these people of all should receive the most love, yet in the secret holes of their heart they struggle to make it through every day because of the pain. According to this song, all they need is to find someone to love them. But we all know it's not as easy as that.
As I listened, I thought of something that I had never really thought of before. I did need love, and I do need love. I think that is part of our nature, and I think it was meant for us to be loved - both by friends and family. But I realized also that I have that love. I do not have to be loved by others to be filled with love, even when others hurt me. I decide how much love is in my heart, and whether or not I will share that love with those around me. No matter what, independent of any other person, I can always have love in my life. Because I choose to love others.
I realize that this is sensitive for some and there may be exceptions for those who have been abused or in other harmful relationships with friends and family, but that is not really the issue I wish to address.
I have been listening to the soundtrack from the movie "Little Women" and it's been healing for me. I have always thought that that music was the soundtrack of my life - it captures the stories of family dynamics, love, learning from mistakes, trying to find the balance between adventure and decorum, the pain from growing up, shattered dreams, and loss of loved ones, and really just learning to love yourself. What a beautiful story it is. I see so much of myself in each of the March sisters. Take a listen at the genius of Thomas Newman's creation :).
I am starting to understand that I will be okay and life will be okay. As I grow older I become more and more confident in who I am, and though I may be rejected at times I know it will be okay because in my heart I still have the capacity to serve and love others, and that can fill the holes. Ultimately, the peace and love in my life comes from my Savior Jesus Christ. He will supply all my need if I allow Him to. I have had times in my life both when I have allowed it and when I have not, and I am telling you there is a difference. He will be there and lift you and teach you if you will allow Him to. That doesn't always mean that everything will be okay right now, and I can't promise you it will be. But I can promise you that God loves you and He knows you and that His plan is perfect, and in the end everything will be okay. Sometimes that requires faith, but that's what faith is for. Faith replaces our fear.
My faith in the Savior and God's plan for me has allowed me to choose to be happy and love others despite pain. It's not easy, and I'm not saying that it should be easy for others to do the same. It is an extremely personal process. What I am saying is what President Eyring taught; "No one is destined to fail." And we do not fail because we are rejected by others. We are not failures because we make mistakes now and then. The answer is in the love that God has for each of His children, the love that He has asked each of us to share with each other. His love is light, and it can heal our souls. Trust that, believe that, have hope in that.
"And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the Atonement of Christ and the power of His resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41)
I feel like this song really kind of describes how I have been feeling lately. My trials don't define me, and I am not defined by how others treat me. My joy and ability to love despite pain comes from the Savior. The answer for my healing has been more love. God is love. And I want you to know that.
