I love that. It is a song for quiet days.
But anyway… this week has been an interesting one. I wasn't expecting it to turn out how it did, and the week isn't even over yet. This thought is what I have been wrestling with the last 24 hours:
I have been trying to figure out how to make things end up right. Not necessarily the way I initially imagined things would end up, but right. With better understanding, more clarity, not as much hurt. With better timing and more time. With more honest forgiveness and acceptance for things the way they are, without expectations of something that can't be given. I want it to end right.
I wasn't sure that this opportunity to "end things right" was ever going to come, but at least for me it seems it is. And for that I am extremely grateful. Heavenly Father is good to me. Resolution is hard for me to come by these days.
This all probably seems rather cryptic, and for that I apologize. But for now, the important thing is what I have learned about forgiveness and trust in the Lord.
President Hinckley taught this, and I believe it with all my heart.
"Somehow forgiveness, with love and tolerance, accomplishes miracles that can happen in no other way."
I believe that. I know that. Maybe not the miracles we were expecting. But learning to wait on the Lord enlarges our capacity to receive. And I can't help but believe that we are meant for greater things than where we are at right now.
One of the greatest blessings that I have in my life is my job as a nurse. It might also be one of the biggest drains in my life at the moment, but it only takes one or two special experiences to make it worth it. The other night I was rocking one of the babies because they were having a problem with excess secretions and I didn't want them to choke while sleeping in their bassinet. What a miracle that I held in my hands. What a perfectly formed human being that was breathing and moving with a heart that I could feel beating when I put my hand on its chest. A little human being that was in its mother's tummy not even five hours earlier, and was now exposed to a completely different world where it would have to breathe and express its needs for itself. It is totally helpless and dependent. And yet that baby is enough. More than enough. And if that baby had problems or special needs, it would still be more than enough. That heart I could feel beating, the lungs I watched rise and fall…that taught me about purpose.
We all have purpose, including those in our lives that we need to really forgive and just let things go. We are all children of God and we should treat each other as such. Sometimes that requires courage and bravery. Sometimes it takes time and lots of prayers and humility. But blessings and sweetness will flow into your life that you wouldn't otherwise have if you held on to those grudges and justification of your own pride. God will give you the strength to do the things that He has asked you to do, and He will always provide the way. I believe that the greater strength is in being able to forgive and not in maintaining the pride of our offenses. It is much easier to be prideful than to forgive. And you will reap the efforts of what you sow.
So when second chances come, I hope you too will use it as an opportunity to forgive, trust in the Savior, and make things right. You'll get your happy ending whether it's now or later. But build and lift while you can. Focus on what God wants for you and not what you want for yourself. True happiness is found in His way.
