Worth It

This has been a big year for me (even though it didn't always feel like it). I suppose I have been preparing for it for a long time, but as I look back I just feel blessed.

I did so many things this year that were out of my comfort zone, and I accomplished some things that have been on my "bucket list" since I was a kid. It was actually really satisfying to write parts of it down because for far too long I've believed that I wasn't enough because I wasn't as skinny, as smart, or as beautiful as others. That for some reason because I didn't hold society's standard of success and beauty, I deserved less than. That I couldn't have love, or a family, or have an impactful career. That my life would always be lived only on the edge of something truly great until I finally was skinny enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or even rich enough. I didn't believe that was true for other people, but I really believed it was true for myself though I wanted desperately not to. And if there are others of you out there who feel this way too, I hope you'll stop it.

Because this year, I made an honest effort to really fight that mentality (most times anyways). And this is what happened because of it:


I finished my master's degree - a lifelong goal.

I graduated from a school that I had always heard about, but never in my wildest dreams thought I would attend.

I passed another board certification exam.

I worked out more often and more consistently than I ever have before and ate a lot more whole foods (not that you can tell haha - thank you PCOS - but I feel a difference and am stronger than I've ever been).

I networked with and reached out to others to make professional connections for my career - as a somewhat shy and introverted individual, this was a big deal!

Along the lines of networking, I was nervous about my job prospects after graduation so I was really proactive in my job search and it paid off.

I negotiated my salary and benefits after an initial job offer, even though I was terrified out of my mind to do it.

I moved out on my own - first time living alone without roommates or family. 100% of the responsibility on me. A home to make my own.

I participated in a lot more social events when traveling alone across the country instead of just exploring solo.

I stood firm in my beliefs even when I was criticized by dear friends. But on that note, I made dear friends who although differ from me in many ways, make my life much much richer.

I also went to a therapist and it was great. I think therapy is a highly underutilized tool.

This year I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, tried new things, and continued to work hard to meet my goals. I still slipped up a lot of times, and many times I still was inhibited by my weaknesses and fear. I am definitely not perfect, and there were lost opportunities and things that didn't work out despite my efforts. My life definitely doesn't look like I imagined it would 10 years ago, and I will probably say the same thing 10 years from now.

But my life is still a good life, even in the wake of my insecurities. There is yet more good to do and become. There are yet more friends to make and dreams to reach. We are all worthy and deserving of good things, and I hope you won't be inhibited by the expectations of others for as long as I was.

As we enter the holiday season I hope we remember also the Giver of all good gifts, and remember that the Atonement of Christ truly is an enabling power that will help us in every good thing ❤️